My little brother and me

I have recently been writing a lot of letters to lots of different friends and family across the country. One of the people is my little brother Miguel, who is about 7 years younger than my self. I remember when this kid was born, and thinking, "Yes, this is the little brother I have been waiting for! We are going to play baseball, and Ninja, and (of course) play video games with!" it turned out he had to actually grow up a little bit first.

When I wrote to him first, I explained that I was writing to all those people who were important to me. I wanted to keep in touch with his life and what was going on with it. He was my family, my blood, and I saw so much of my self in him. As I grow older, I find it funny the realizations we come to. Just a couple years ago, before moving out to Arizona, I remember not really caring that I was leaving. I acted as if I wouldn't miss my family or friends and people I grew up with for 18 years. I hated my parents for everything they did, and resented them for no real good reason. I remember sitting in the shower after being spanked once, telling my self over and over, "I'll never be like my dad". Now I find myself so similar to my father it's scary. I mimic his ways and mannerisms without knowing it. I have started gardening and i take care of and grow lots of different plants. I know for a fact, that if my kid gets out of line, I'm going to give him a whipping! Just like my dad taught me. Which is exactly what he did when he spanked me, he was teaching me a good lesson really.

All this has been coming to me over my experience away from home. Now, I have a hard time calling it that, as I haven't lived there in years, and it isn't my nest anymore. I've made my move, and I've got to play it. But this great Epiphany shed light on another subject. I began to think about the influence I had on my younger siblings. I remember all the nights I snuck out to smoke pot with various girls, breaking other girls hearts, and making my very existence a constant worry for my two parents. I started to feel incredibly bad for all the harm I may have brought to my family, but then realized another thing. We only got better...

What I mean by that is, as my parents popped out the children, it was as if they progressively got better, like new and improved versions, a Gonzales 4.0. Each one of the kids was influenced by me in many ways. My drinking and smoking, kept my two youngest siblings from experimenting with them early on because they had the perfect example of what happened with me. So whether my influence was in a positive or negative manner, it was beneficial for my younger siblings to witness a first go round, crudely put.

With my brother, I see so much. I see what I could have been had I not smoked or drank so much, or not tried to seem so "bad" and keep that image. Miguel is incredibly smart, intelligent and talented. All characteristics I had, and still do, but used in different ways. My little brother excels in school and takes it serious, where I only skated through and didn't really care. Miguel seems to be quite to actor, singer, dancer,etc. I loved performing for a crowd and being on stage. Miguel has picked up sports, which makes me proud, because I loved to compete in sports and he is showing signs of competitiveness. I have a picture of my brother and girlfriend at an ASU football game where we made it down onto the field. I love that picture, it makes me feel close to my brother, and that night, we were. I only wish I could have been closer the past 6 years.

Miguel, I will always be your big brother, even though you passed me up height wise years ago. I am here for you to talk to, ask questions, and give whatever advice I could to you. To see you succeed as you have done so, so early in your life, makes me jealous and incredibly proud. I wish the absolute best for you life, and promise, you can count on me.

And yea, I think your girlfriend does look similar to mine, but Brytni doesn't like that idea... haha. Send me a pic of your gf, and I'll post it next to a pic of my gf, and we will let the world decide. hahahaha